Our Gained Loss
by She'sAManiac
Summary: Someone dies and it's not JD! But when the dead person starts stalking the living, the gang are forced to say their final goodbyes. Jelliot. Turla. COMPLETE! Sorry SockFiend, here's your shoutout!
1. Prologue

I sat on one of the hard wooden pews in the church, staring blankly at a stained glass window

I sat on one of the hard wooden pews in the church, staring blankly at a stained glass window. It showed your basic picture of Jesus hanging from the cross, crown of thorns around his head. You know, the general stuff you get in churches. The vivid colours: yellow and green, blue and red, pink and purple danced before me, hitting the floor like disco lights as the sun relentlessly gleamed through the glass. Stained glass windows always seem so cheerful, it almost seems inappropriate to have them in churches. But then again, maybe you just needed something to lift the solemn atmosphere. God knows I did right about then.

It seemed a cruel twist of irony that the sun was shining on a funeral day. It was baking hot, birds were singing. It's the sort of thing that has me "vomiting rainbows" as Dr Cox likes to put it. The sort of thing that makes life seem just that little bit less crappy. I was sweltering. Looking around, so was everyone else. The black mourning outfit wasn't helping, either.

It's odd, the things you think of at a time like this.

The vicar stood up, and began to speak.

"We are gathered here today to remember in fondness the life of…"

It was the same vicar who had spoken at Laverne's funeral. I couldn't stand to be a vicar. The man who stood up front of the church now would probably speak at a few more funerals today, maybe a few weddings, maybe even a few baptisms. Life, love and death all under one huge roof. I remembered that during his speech at Laverne's funeral I had fantasised about my own. Here, now, I wouldn't even think about thinking of doing that.

Someone was quietly sobbing next to me. I wanted to cry, I honestly did. I wanted to show all these people that I could honour the deceased person (I couldn't bring myself to think of a name just yet) in a traditional way, like they were expecting me to. Who were these people to judge me? Most of them didn't even care about the person lying in the oak coffin a few metres in front of them. Not like I did.

A felt a few tears trickle down my cheeks.

Suddenly, the person next to me (I wasn't sure who it was) tugged at my arm, and I realised that I was meant to be speaking. I hastily stood up and opened my mouth. But no words came out. There was an uncomfortable silence, the kind that suffocates and strangles you. Someone coughed. No wonder, the dust in this church could really get in your throat…I closed my mouth, shook my head and sat back down. People nodded sympathetically.

Then the service was over, and the crowd started filing out of the hall. I spotted Kelso in amongst the crowd, and smiled. So he did have a heart, even if he just came out of respect. It was still good to see him. It still made the large empty black space inside me shrink just a tiny bit. I knew it would take time for the black space to shrink down to nothingness. A very long time.

I went up to the coffin, and stood over it, looking down at the body. I reached into my black jacket pocket and pulled something out. I turned it over in my hands, looking at it, feeling every side and every angle.

"I found it, man" I said.

Then I laid the saltine down beside Christopher Turk's hand, and followed the mass out of the church.


	2. Elliot

I sat on one of the hard wooden pews in the church, staring blankly at a stained glass window

**Note-I know the plotline's been done before, but has it been done with Turk?**** Thank you so much for all my awesome reviews! Sorry for any OOCness…**

I woke up with a familiar body next to mine. I stirred, and raised my head from the sleeping man's chest. JD's chest.

We'd been on an off too many times for me to know that this didn't mean anything. He'd turned up at my apartment last night, distraught, half-drowned in Appletini, and one thing led to another. And here we were…again.

He shifted away from me. I rolled over so that we weren't facing each other. Yes, I was ashamed, and I brushed at a few stray tears that forced themselves out of my sore, swollen eyes. What must Carla be going through? And yet, her dead boyfriend's best friend was lying, naked, next to me.

I sighed, and got up, and rummaged through my wardrobe for some clothes. I was going to go into work today, purely because JD wasn't. I couldn't face him today. I knew, of course, from experience, that by and by we would forget this, move on and become friends again. We always did. I just couldn't do it today.

I walked into my kitchen and nearly had heart failure.

"Hey, Smelliot!" said Turk.

He was sitting on my kitchen table in his green surgical Scrubs. He grinned widely, cockily, at me.

"Ok…" I muttered to myself. "I'm still dreaming…"

"Elliot…!" Turk grinned, stretching his finger towards my forehead, ET style, like he did when we first met.

"Stop it!" I said automatically, swatting at his finger. "You're not real, you're not real…"

"Sure I'm real! Check this out…!" he said. He put his hands together in a prayer shape and pointed them at me. Then I did the same. We slammed them together and clapped our way through the greeting dance we made up in out first year when we were interns.

"Holy frick!" I said when we had finished.

"Now that's what I'm talkin' bout!" my friend grinned.

"Ok, my minds going into overdrive so I'm gonna go to work and holy frick I must be going cuckoo because I'm talking to a figment of my imagination!"

"Woah, Elliot, just because I'm dead, doesn't mean I can't hear monstrously high noises!" Turk said, covering his ears.

"I'm not listening! You're dead! You are, you are, you are!" I practically screamed. I opened the door and slammed it, ran downstairs and got in my car. I sat there, shaking, gripping the steering wheel until my knuckles went white. That did not just happen…

"You're getting pretty fast!" said a voice. I did a double take. Turk was sitting in the passenger seat.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, as calmly as I could. "Leave me alone. You're dead! You're not here!"

"Elliot, chill!"

"No, Turk, I'm not going to chill, you know why, because my dead friend's in the car with me!" I yelled. An old lady on the sidewalk stared at me.

"You know, Elliot, if you want me to leave all you have to do is close your eyes and wise me gone!" he smiled.

"Fine! I will!" I said. I shut my eyes tight, and when I opened them, Turk had gone. I breathed a sigh of relief…until I saw a green bulk underneath my dashboard.

"Turk, I can see you!" I cried. Turk leapt back in the seat and grinned.

"Got that off Laverne!" he grinned. I started the car. There was an awkward silence.

"You know that if you were hallucinating, it would have finished by now…" Turk muttered. I nodded through the tears that were clogging up my eyes.

"Yeah, I know…Turk? What are you doing here?"

"I wish I knew, Elliot, really I do!" he said, putting his hands in the air in exasperation. I stared at his hand.

"What's that?"

"Oh this?" he asked, waving his left hand. "A saltine"

"Why's it on your hand?"

"I don't know, but it won't come off. Look…" he took the saltine off his hand and dropped it on the floor. When I blinked, it was back on his palm again.

"Weird…" I muttered.

I pulled into the driveway of Sacred Heart, and parked my car next to an ambulance.

"Ok, I'm not hallucinating! I'm not taking any pain meds, and I'm not pumped full of alcohol. So the only rational explanation is…you're a ghost"

"Well, I do what I do and I do what I do!"

"But I don't believe in ghosts! I've never seen a ghost! Well, apart from when my grandma died and my brother Bradley smeared hair gel in the bathtub and pretended it was plasma. I was so scared I didn't wash my hair for two months!"

"Ok…"

"So why did you come to me? Why not Carla or, or JD?"

"Well, don't take this personally, Elliot, but I did originally come to see Vanilla Bear. But I kinda got the hint when he woke up briefly in the night with me standing over his head and he didn't see me. So, seeing as I was there, I thought I'd try my luck at you!"

"Oh…ok…So what's it like…you know, being dead?"

"Not the most tactful thing to say to a dead guy"

"Oh, frick, sorry!"

"Relax, it's cool. It's weird. I was just lying there, but then I got up…and I went up to JD but he didn't see me…and then there were all these people…and then I turned around and I was still lying there on the floor…and then some people took me away. And I saw Carla crying later on but she didn't see me or feel me or anything" there were tears in Turk's eyes.

"Frick…"

I got out of the parked car, and went into the hospital. Turk began to follow me, but at the last minute picked up a lone basketball and threw it. He missed.

"Damn!"

I saw the Janitor out of the corner of my eye. He was staring in horror and disbelief at the basketball.

"Did you do that?" he asked me. I shook my head. He gave the ball a strange look and slowly backed away.

"Turk!" I snapped as soon as he had gone.

"Sorry!"

I went inside, and changed into my scrubs. Turk waited outside the locker rooms while I changed, and then followed me to my first patient.

"Good morning, Miss Hardy…"

"Please, call me Bella!" said the woman. She was young brunette and pretty. JD would love her…no, no thinking about JD! Not today!

"Bella!" I smiled, correcting myself. "As you know, our tests show that you have a stomach ulcer that can be treated easily by surgery! I'm sure you've spoken to your surgeon?"

"Oh yes! Dr…Turk?"

I froze momentarily, before remembering that he was, in face standing next to me. He smiled at me.

"Oh, yes, Dr Turk…Bella, due to an…unfortunate circumstance, Dr Turk will not be performing your surgery"

"Oh no! How come, he sounded like a brilliant surgeon?"

Turk grinned cockily, and muttered "That's what I'm talkin' bout!"

"Um…Dr Turk is as of late…deceased"

"Oh no! I'm so sorry!"

"But don't worry; we have another amazing surgeon taking his place, a Dr…" I scanned her charts. "Dr Todd Quinlan? Oh…"

"What, is something wrong?"

"No, I'm sure the Todd is an exceptional surgeon! Anyway, I better be off, sorry!"

I walked out of the room. Turk followed, hot on my heels.

"Are you ever gonna stop following me?" I muttered.

"Well, seeing as you're the only one who can see me, no!"

"I have a life, Turk! I have to move on too!"

"Move on? You call sleeping with JD moving on?"

I glared at him, tears clouding up my vision.

"I helped him out!"

"No you didn't! This is just gonna screw him up, again!"

"Turk, you're dead! I have a life! I have to move on and I have to help other people move on, ok?"

"You know what? Sleeping with JD is not helping him!"

"Well, I'm sorry, Turk? What do you want me to do, pump myself full of pain meds like your widow?"

Turk winced. He turned and walked away.

"Turk? I'm sorry!"

"You know what, Elliot, don't be! JD loves you, so you screwing him over like this is just gonna hurt him more!"

I was stunned, frozen to the floor.

"Come again?"

"You heard. He's always been in love with you, Elliot! The sooner you accept that, and stop messing with him, the sooner he'll be able to move on because he needs your help!"

He walked off.

"Turk!" I yelled. I realised that the whole hospital was staring at me. I mumbled an apology, and scooted out after him.

"Turk! Please, I'm sorry!"

I felt his arms around my shoulders as the ghost of my dead friend hugged me.

"Look after him, Elliot"

I thought that my clouded vision was fading the image of him. But when I blinked, he had vanished.

_Bye, Elliot_.

Bye, Turk.


	3. Dr Cox

Author's Note

**Note-Sorry for any OOCness. Thanks for all your amazing comments and suggestions! They really helped me out! ****Sorry to Graffiti2DMyHeart, but I got my review just as I was about to upload this! On with the show…**

I turned the corner into the nurse's station. I was in a fairly bad mood, as one of the patients I was covering for Newbie had just gone into cardiac arrest and died. I'd been on call all night, and I was hoping for a quiet break in the TV room before another truckload of hypochondriacs bombarded me with their endless stupid panicked questions and theories. But what I saw next stopped me dead in my tracks, and ended the possibility of a quiet day. Nervous Guy almost crashed into me, and ran off, mumbling an apology.

Ghandi was eyeing up Nurse Tisdale!

I went up to him, and grunted. He turned around to face me. I made a small, swift movement with my head, motioning for him to follow me. I went into an abandoned room with him hot on my heels, and checked that the coast was clear (cliché, I know) before I spoke.

"What in hell do you think you're doing, Ghandi? Have you honestly already forgotten your widow and your child, because being, well, dead is not an excuse to go eyeing up the gorgeous Nurse Tisdale, who is the only available, hot nurse in this entire dump, and even if you did manage to get the girl some of the younger men here might kill you, which might admittedly prove difficult looking at your current situation of death, which brings me back to my original point, you're dead, so start acting like it and leave Nurse Tisdale alone! Anyway, I hear she's bonking Beezlebob for a pay rise!"

"What? You started that rumour!"

I grinned to myself. So I had!

"Wait, you can see me?"

"Kudos to Turtle-Head here for working that out, my god I knew you were a scalpel-jockey but you're not honestly that stupid are you?"

The surgeon silently regarded me with crossed arms and set expression.

"So you've seen ghosts before?"

"Ben. And Jill Tracy"

"Oh…"

"Why exactly are you here, anyway? Why aren't you following your wife, or Carla?"

"Well, I'm here because I came with Elliot…"

"Barbie? You have another chance at seeing your friends and family and you choose to spend it with _Barbie_?"

He winced slightly, but chose to ignore my comment.

"And I'm not following Carla or Vanilla-Bear because neither of them can see me. Neither can Elliot, as of five minutes ago. So I don't know why you can…"

"And I don't know why I'm bothering to talk to you when I have more important things to be doing, like watching a Hugh Jackman movie or spending quality time with Bobcat!"

Ok, so it was tactless to be talking like this to a dead guy, but honestly, what was I going to do? Hug him and tell him that God is forgiving? Gimme a break! I was bad enough at all the emotional crap as it was.

"Look, Ghandi, if it makes ya feel any better, I have had to take over all of Sheryl's patients while she cries into her unicorn, so I'm the one getting the butt of the whole thing, mmkay?"

"Somehow that doesn't help. I'm dead, man!"

I sighed. What was it with surgeons and their cocky sarcasm?

"Ok, I'm gonna go and check on Mrs Randall before she has heart failure, k?"

I turned, and went out of the room. But I had barely taken a few steps when I turned around, and realised that Ghandi was still following me.

"Didn't I make myself clear, Turtle-Head? I have to go! Goodbye!"

"Hey…can I chill with you for the day? I'm kinda lonely…" the surgeon muttered sheepishly. I stared at him, open-mouthed, in shock.

"No one will see me!" he tempted. I did nothing. He sighed.

"How about this: you can't do anything about it, so I'm gonna follow you anyway!"

"Much better, Ghandi!"

I walked into room 101, and he followed me.

"Good morning Mrs Randall! Unfortunately, due to some complications, we've had to reschedule your surgery for tomorrow"

Complications? Yeah right! She'd been moved down because a board member who, according to Kelso, needed a new heart more than a woman who'd been in here four times to try and get one!

"Oh, that's a shame. I was hoping it would be done as soon as possible"

"I'm very sorry, Mrs Randall. There's nothing I can do"

It was then I noticed the homicidal look in Gandhi's eyes. I muttered another apology and exited quickly.

"Ghandi, contrary to what you and Newbie think is acceptable in a hospital, you cannawt perform surgery when dead, and not in a patient's room!"

"Damn it…"

I saw Nurse Shirley staring at me, and realised that my outburst had been out loud.

"Come on…" I muttered under my breath. But then I realised that Gandhi was staring at something. I followed his gaze. He was looking at the flight of stairs that headed to the roof. I closed my eyes, and thought a few days back.

"_Perry! Perry!"_

_I turned around to see Newbie running up to me._

"_Remind me of the "using my first name" rule again, Stella? Actually, I'll do it for you: don't, ever, ever, under any circumstances!"_

_I suddenly saw the alarm, the fear, the grief in his eyes. Wait, this wasn't right._

"_Newbie, what's wrong?"_

_His voice came in tearful starts._

"_Turk…fell…stairs…"_

"_What?"_

"_He was coming down from the roof and he fell down the stairs!"_

"_Ok, Newbie, calm down! Who's with him?"_

"_Carla, and a few other nurses…I think he's severed a vital spinal chord…Perry?"_

"_What?"_

"_It was my fault…we were playing golf off the roof and I lost a ball and he said he would get it and then he…"_

"_Easy there, Newbie" I said in my most comforting voice, which admittedly sounded a little patronising. "It's ok. He'll be fine. Now, where is he?"_

"_Unconscious…in the nurse's station"_

"_Ok. Take me to him" _

By the time I got there, it was already too late. He'd practically died on impact. Gandhi looked at the stairs, and so did I, and we both were sharing the same thoughts. Time of death: 15:42 pm.

"Walk with me, Gandhi" I muttered. We soon found ourselves sitting outside in the hospital car park, staring at the leaves. The Janitor was staring at a basketball intently.

"How's Carla?" I asked.

"Bad" he replied simply.

"Bad like, crazy bad, or bad like, getting through it bad?"

"Crazy bad. She's staying in a motel with Izzy"

"What about Newbie?"

"Elliot's. They shacked up again"

"Oh dear God…"

"Since when do you care about JD?"

"I care for him a lot more than people think"

"Then why don't you show it once in a while?"

"Please! And ruin my godlike image?"

"And lay off Elliot…"

"Why have you got a saltine on your hand?" I interrupted, desperate to change the subject. He shrugged.

"Dunno, but it won't come off"

I nodded in sympathy.

It was then that the Todd came out of the hospital.

"Hey man" he muttered to me. His eyes were red and puffy. Was the Todd…actually crying? "Turk's dead five?"

I obliged, and he walked away, sniffling. He looked pitiful. Well, felt pitiful. His high-five had been limp and floppy.

Gandhi giggled. I glared at him.

"What? He was crying over you!"

"I know…but he still managed a high-five!" he laughed. I smiled begrudgingly. It was kinda funny.

Turk shuffled his feet.

"I was meant to be performing surgery on Miss Hardy tomorrow. Guess I'm gonna have to leave it to the Todd. It's a shame; she'll probably wake up with a new set of breasts"

I briefly snorted with laughter, and looked at him.

"You know, if it was up to me, I'd have you do the surgery. I'd never admit it if you weren't dead, but I think you're actually a great surgeon, and…you'd be my first choice every time. It's the same for Newbie"

Gandhi smiled.

"Maybe you should tell him that once in a while. But thanks."

"My pleasure, Gandhi"

He stood up.

"It's been nice talking to you, man. I'll see you in heaven!" he grinned.

"Heaven? Oh come on, Gandhi! I'll be right down the fiery pits with Bobcat and Jordaroo"

"You know what? I don't think you will"

He turned, and walked over to the Janitor. He picked up the ball that Lurch was staring at, and slam dunked it in one swift jump. Janitor stared at me in astonishment.

"I did it! I made it move!" he babbled, and walked inside, shocked. Gandhi laughed. Then he turned, and waved at me.

"See you later, Dr Cox"

"See you later…Turk" I muttered.

I blinked. And he was gone.

"See you later…"

Then I got up, and went back inside.


	4. Carla

Author's Note

**Note-****Ok, and I'm back on track! Writers block unblocked! You probably don't care, but what the frick! After this I think I'm gonna write something light and fluffy…yeah…**

I sat on the single in the cheap motel room, cradling my baby and sobbing into her head. I felt envious of her. She didn't know what was going on. She was too young to know.

I glanced around the room through foggy vision. The faded custard (it was so dirty it should have been called puke) yellow wallpaper was cracked and peeling. The wood in the chest of drawers was rotten, and one of the drawers was jammed in. I could hear a couple going at it in the next room. It was hell.

I hadn't slept in a single bed for years.

I breathed in my daughter's smell and hugged her close. I looked at the room again in disgust. I noticed the bottle of painkillers on top of the drawers. I picked it up, and poured a few into my hand. I looked at them, contemplating. Then I raised my hand to my mouth…

"I wouldn't do that if I were you"

I jumped, and the pills fell onto the floor and scattered. Then I noticed the man standing in the corner of the room and I smiled.

"I must be so high on pain meds right about now"

My husband shook his head.

"Good thing I got here in time. If you died as well our daughter would have to go to JD and he would screw her up completely!"

"What are you talking about? If I die, Izzy goes to Elliot!"

"Baby, I'm not having this conversation with you"

Then it hit me. My dead husband was in the room with me. Talking to me.

I stood up, walked over to him and collapsed in his arms, shaking, my body convulsed with echoing sobs.

"Turk…oh my god, it's you, you came back…"

He kissed the top of my head and wiped my tears away.

"That's right, baby" he whispered gently in my ear.

"I missed you so much…"

"I missed you too"

"Izzy missed you too…" I muttered. I picked up our daughter, and Turk took her from my arms. The mixture of wonder and sorrow in his eyes was almost too much to bear, and I dissolved into shaky sobs again.

"This is how we should be! A proper family!" I cried.

"Ssh…" Turk soothed. He put his arm around me, still holding Izzy, and pulled me close. We stood in the small motel room, holding each other, and I though, for a brief, magical moment, that it would never end.

Then Izzy started crying.

"Oh, Izzy!" I moaned through tears.

"It's ok, Carla, I've got her. Ssh, Mocha Cub…" Turk murmured. He laid our daughter in the cheap, plastic cot, and sang something in her ear. The tears kept flowing, and the baby stopped crying and when my husband turned around, I saw that there were tears in his eyes too. Then he took me in his arms again and he kissed me like he had when we first met and for a moment that felt like an hour the world stopped.

Then he broke away, and it started again.

"Baby, I'm sorry…" he muttered.

"What for? You came back, everything's gonna be good again…right?"

His ashamed expression told me more than I needed to know.

"Right? Turk?"

Silence. Then he looked at me and smiled.

"We're packing your stuff away. I'm not having you and Izzy living in this shithole for another minute!"

"What? T-Turk…"

But my husband was already picking up my stuff and shoving it in plastic bags, a look of determined concentration moulded into his face.

"Turk, wait…_Turk_!"

He looked at me, obviously surprised at my outburst.

"What is it, sweetie?"

"Turk, I can't go back to the apartment! I can't!"

"Why not, baby?"

"Because…it's you, everything is you! Everywhere I look is you! I've still got the post-it-note on the toilet reminding you to leave the seat down! I can't stand it!"

I crumpled into a fresh set of tears, and flopped down on the bed. After a few second I felt the pressure of him sitting next to me. He put his arms around me and I fell into him, crying into his scrub top. He stroked my hair, and held me.

I wasn't sure how long we sat like that. It could have been a minute or an hour until he spoke again.

"Do you remember when I said that if Izzy was a boy I wanted to name him Tiger after my cousin, and you said no because no one believed I actually had a cousin called that?"

I laughed, and nodded.

"Yeah"

"And do you remember when you were having Izzy and I got my hand stuck in the ice machine because I was trying to help?"

"Elliot was better than you that day!"

"Hey!" he said, mock-offended, and pretended to punch my arm.

"And do you remember when you first met Marco and you thought he was a valet?"

"Baby, he wore a vest to a funeral!"

"And do you remember when I found out you were playing my Xbox? Baby you have never been sexier to me!"

We both laughed.

"I missed you" Turk muttered.

"You said!"

"Well, I wanted to say it again!"

"Oh you…"

I leant in for a kiss, but before I reached him he had got up and was picking my undies off the floor.

"Baby, we need to get your stuff packed, because I'm damn sure getting you outta this place before I leave…"

He only realised what he was saying after he said it.

"Leave?" I asked, feeling the tremor in my voice. "Where are you going?"

"JD's probably…" my husband sighed.

"JD's? You're leaving me to go to _JD's_? Oh my god, I always knew you loved him more than me!"

"Baby…"

"Don't baby me! You're leaving your wife and child to go and see JD! What do you want me to say: oh baby, that's fine, you go to JD's, I understand? You absolute…"

"Woman!"

Now it was my turn to be rendered speechless.

"I can't stay with you forever, baby! Unfortunately, I'm dead, ok? If it was up to me, I would be with you and Izzy for the rest of my life! But it's not! I have to go at some point, and if I can go and see JD, I'll go and see JD. He's my best friend! You are my first choice, every time. But baby, I'm not gonna be around forever. Accept that!"

My eyes started leaking again, and I flung myself at him.

"Baby, I'm so sorry! Turk, I love you, I can't bear to loose you again!"

"I love you too, Carla"

We lay down on my bed, and I cried in his arms until I fell asleep out of exhaustion. And when I woke up, there was only a vague imprint on the bed of where he had been.

I sat up, and rubbed my eyes. I had slept in my clothes, and they were creased on my skin. For a moment I thought that yesterday hadn't happened that it had all been a hallucination from the pain meds. I looked around the room. My clothes had been neatly folded into an open suitcase which sat agape by the door. The place looked surprisingly clean. There was a sticky-note on top of the bottle of tablets. I picked it up and read it:

_Don't try and kill yourself again._

Then I knew that Turk had been here last night.

I got up, and trudged over to Izzy's cot. She was awake, lying there with an angelic expression on her face. For a moment I saw him in her face, and I blinked back bitter tears.

I went downstairs and checked myself out of the hotel. The man at the desk leered at me, and I shivered. Then I went outside, took my child and my things and left the motel behind me forever.

When I arrived back at the apartment, I laid my daughter on our…my bed and looked at the picture on the bedside table of me and Turk's wedding. For a moment I could hear Ted's band singing The Beatles, and I could feel my husband pressed against me as we slow-danced. Then the memory faded as rapidly as it had come.

I said down on the sofa and buried my head in my hands. I had got to say goodbye to Turk, but loosing him once was bad enough. Why did I have to loose him again?

I wish to God he hadn't come back to me that night.


	5. JD

Author's Note

**Note-****Aww, poor Carla! Almost finished! Sorry for OOCness.**

When I stumbled back to Elliot's from the bar she wasn't there. I remembered it was her shift tonight, although I was surprised she had gone into work at all. I had slept in until 2 in the afternoon in her bed with a splitting migraine, then ate and watched TV. Then about 8 I went out again to the bar to drown my sorrows. Then I came back, hoping to find Elliot's open arms and warm bed to I could start the whole glorious cycle again.

But instead, I found Turk sitting on her couch.

"Hey, Turk" I slurred, sitting down next to him. He gave me a strange look.

"Why aren't you surprised to see me?" he asked.

"Because I'm alcohol of full…whoopsie!" I giggled. "I mean I'm alcohol of…_full_ of _alcohol_!"

"Really, I couldn't tell!" my best friend said sarcastically. I collapsed into giggles again.

"Yeah I'm full of alcoholso I'm just things seeing! You're not really there!" I said, not bothering to correct myself this time.

"Dude, I'm like Rowdy: dead, but real as anything!"

"Hey don't say that! You'll feelings his hurt!"

"JD, I'm real! I'm not a drunk hallucination!"

"I'm not drunk, I'm just…tipsy!" I mumbled. I stood up, tripped over my own feet and fell to the floor with a thud.

"Ok, so I'm a little drunk"

I got back up and sat down next to Turk again.

"So, what are you doing here?" I asked. I was sobering up fast, and I wasn't quite as sure of myself as I had been a second ago.

"I came to see you, VB!" he said, a broad smile stretching across his face. "I missed you, man!"

"You missed hangin' with the J-Dizzle, huh?"

"Well, not at 11 at night I didn't. Dude, how long were you at the bar?"

"Three hours…that guy really knows his way around a Nectarini!"

"_Nectar_ini? Dude, how drunk were you hoping to get?"

"I dunno…"

"JD, you can't keep on drinking yourself into a stupor every night?"

"Why not? I'm a grown man; I can do what I want!"

"I didn't come here to lecture you"

"Then why are you here?" I found myself yelling. Turk didn't even flinch. "Why are you torturing me like this?"

"I thought you'd like me being here, V-Bear"

"Yeah? Well you thought wrong!" I slurred. Turk was silent for a moment.

"You'd think that I'd get a little more respect out of you, you know…being dead and all"

"Whatever…you're not even real! I'm going to bed!"

I stumbled out of the lounge and fell onto Elliot's bed, fully clothed. I shut my eyes tight, hoping I could wake up from what was obviously an extended daydream. I was probably still at the bar…

Suddenly I felt something under my nose. Something that felt surprisingly like a…

"Toe!" I yelled automatically, and opened my eyes. Sure enough, Turk was sitting in the floor, and had slid his foot underneath my nostrils.

"My friend, you have guessed correctly!" he grinned, pulling his tootsies away from my face. "You're not honestly going to bed are you?" He started to tug his sock on.

"No, I'm too hung-over to sleep!"

I felt the other end of the bed sag as Turk hoisted himself up beside me. We lay side by side on Elliot's pink floral duvet, looking up at the ceiling.

"When are you doing back to your apartment?"

"I don't know, Brown Bear. When I get over everything I guess"

"How long will that take?"

"I don't know…"

"You can't stay at Elliot's forever, man"

"I know…hey, Turk?"

"Yeah?"

"You know I haven't had a daydream since you died?"

"What?"

"It's true! Not even a teeny-weeny one!"

"That's crazy, man!"

"Every night when I go to bed I hope that my mind can create one so big that it takes me away from reality forever. But it never does"

"Wow…"

"Yeah…"

There was a brief, awkward silence.

"Do you talk to anyone about it?"

"What do you mean, my negro amigo?"

"Your daydreaming. Do you talk to anyone about it?"

"Nah. Carla's mourning, Elliot's too busy, Dr Cox never takes an interest in any of my problems, Kelso doesn't even know your name and the Janitor…well, I don't even bother talking to him!"

"Maybe you should get some counselling or something"

"Are you kidding? Those people are idiots!"

"You're beginning to sound like Dr Cox"

"Am not!" I laughed.

"Yeah you are, dawg!"

"Whatever…so how long you reckon you're gonna be here?"

"Till you stop seeing me, I guess"

"Oh. How long will that take?"

"I don't know, V-Bear"

"I hope it's never. I don't want to move on"

"You have to move on, man. I'm not going to be around for much longer, so you're gonna have to get used to me not being here. Everyone else is, even Carla's moving back into the apartment. I'm gonna miss that apartment. You remember when we first moved in there?"

"Yeah! We were such dorks!"

"Yeah…but anyway, you've gotta move on. Why are you still staying here, anyway?"

"I don't know. Elliot's comfort, I guess"

"Comfort sex? You're really toying with her, you know. We get it, JD, you love her! Get on with it and tell her!"

"I can't. Every time I do she dumps whatever boyfriend she's currently with to be with me, and then I screw it up two days later! God, why am I such a failure?"

"JD, you're not a failure!"

"Yes I am! I couldn't stay with the mother of my child, I can't confess to the woman I love and my best friend of 20 years is dead!"

I felt fat tears roll down my cheeks, and I angrily brushed them away.

"JD, listen to me. If you'd stayed with Kim you'd be in a loveless marriage by now, it's not too late to confess to Elliot, and it's not your fault I died!"

"Yeah it was, it was my golf ball!"

"It was my fault for tripping! You can't blame yourself for my death, JD. There was nothing you could have done! And you know that you know that! Remember when we made that list of things to do before we were thirty? You need to finish that!"

"But it's not the same without you!"

"It's your life, JD, not mine. You can do things without me, man. You've gotta move on! It'll take time, but you have to"

I rolled over and hugged him.

"I don't want you to go…"

"Dude, you do realise how uncool this is!"

I felt arms around me as the ghost of my best friend hugged me back. The I felt something pressing into my back.

"What's that on your hand?"

"A damn saltine, and I can't get it off!"

"We were playing find the saltine before you died, remember? Well after, I found it behind the curtain. So I put it next to your hand in the coffin"

Turk grinned.

"That explains a lot! I'm gonna miss you, Vanilla-Bear"

"And I you, Super-Chocolate-Bear"

I heard the door slam as Elliot same into the apartment.

"JD? JD…we need to talk!" I heard her yell. I turned around to where Turk had been, but there was nothing there.

In his place was a saltine.

I pocketed the cracker, and went out into the lounge.

"Hey, Elliot…"


	6. Epilogue

Author's Note

**Note-****Thanks to all my kind reviewers!**

The wind was bitter on JD's body, and raised goosbumps where it struck naked skin. He was surrounded by green: grass, trees. But he was solely concentrating on the patch of grey in front of him.

_In loving memory of Christopher Turk, husband, father and friend, who went to sleep in 2008. He will be sorely missed._

He was standing in front of Turk's grave. Next to him were Elliot and Carla, who was holding Izzy. Carla bent down, and laid a bunch of carnations down in front of the tablet. Then she started to cry softly. Elliot put her arm around her friends shoulder, and hugged her.

"I miss him, Elliot!" Carla wept. She was sobbing into Elliot's best jumper, and staining it, but neither woman noticed or cared.

"I know…" Elliot soothed.

JD heard footsteps crunching on dead leaves coming towards them, and he turned around. He was more than faintly surprised to see the person who was coming towards them carrying a cluster of pansies.

"Dr Cox?"

"Newbie? Goddamn it!"

"What are you doing here?" Elliot asked. Dr Cox laid his flowers down next to the carnations.

"Paying my respects" Dr Cox said simply. Carla smiled weakly at him.

"Thank you" she whispered.

JD looked up at the sky. Elliot came and stood next to him, and took his hand.

"I can't believe it's been a year already" he murmured. "It feels like yesterday"

"I know! A whole year since Gandhi was chopping up hell-bound guys! Who would guess it?"

"Dr Cox! He was a great surgeon, and you know it!" Elliot piped up.

"Alright, I admit I have a fond spot for him, but only 'coz he did such a good job looking after Carla!"

Carla smiled, sniffled and wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

"I miss him so much…"

"We all do, Carla" JD comforted.

Suddenly, a warm breeze found its way through the bitter autumn weather. It flowed through the grey sky, and caressed the four doctors momentarily. At the feeling, they all looked up at the sky.

JD smiled. He remembered clearly the night that Turk had visited him again and now knew that it hadn't been an alcohol induced vision. He opened his mouth to tell his friends what had happened, but then shut it again. He didn't want people to think he was crazy.

Little did he know that everyone was sharing the same thought.

Elliot slid her arm around his waist, and he did the same to her.

"Let's go home" he said. Then everyone turned, and walked back to the gates to face another year.

And Turk's ghost, standing by the grave, smiled at them. He looked at his hand, which now held no saltine whatsoever. Then he vanished.

**Note-A shout out to **_**BellsOfTomorrow**_** for reviewing every chapter! Thank you so much!**


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